According to psychotherapist and relationship expert Laurel Steinberg, PhD, the lows (fueled by stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol) during the abusive phase of the cycle make the highs (caused by an influx of feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin) during the following phase feel so much higher. There are some pretty powerful biological processes at play here. “One of these is to find a way to see the abuser in a better light so that you’re able to rationalize the unthinkable behaviors.” “This complete dependence is so detrimental to one’s psychological well-being that the abused often uses defense mechanisms to cope with the experience,” he explains. Klapow notes that this often stems from the fact that your physical and emotional state, as well as a sense of safety or danger, is all dependent on the abuser. In a trauma bonding relationship, you may feel a strong sense of connectedness or even empathy for your abuser.
Trauma bonding signs how to#
RELATED: How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Relationship As the abuse ramps up again, the abused person relies on these periods of non-abuse behaviors as justification for staying connected to the abuser.” “During this time, the abused sees a ‘glimmer of hope’ and reconnects emotionally with the abuser. “There is often a period where the abuser feels remorse, promises to not engage in the abusive behaviors, and is able to treat the abused in a respectful, healthy manner,” says Joshua Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist. In other words, just when you’re finally ready to walk out the door, the abuser pulls you back in by showering you with affection and reassurance of their love - but only until they’re back in control and can return to their usual routine of mistreatment. This response, known as a “trauma bond,” is formed through a repeated cycle of abuse followed by intermittent positive reinforcement and kind or remorseful behavior.
One of the major reasons why people find it difficult to leave is that they have unknowingly developed an emotional attachment to their abuser. There can be various barriers in place that prevent you from ending an abusive relationship, no matter how destructive it is.
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